I’ve never been one to go on an all-out diet but at various times I’ve tried to incorporate as many quick weight loss tips as possible in my eating habits. Many of the things I’ve tried are reasonable in theory and have been proven to show results, but some of them don’t exactly fit into my daily lifestyle. Quite simply, I love to eat and I pretty much eat everything (especially ice cream!). So while I have been able to cut down on things like butter and salt, there are other dietary suggestions that I’ve never been able to follow. I’ve given them a fair shot and tried my best, but in the end they conflict too much with my desire to actually enjoy the food I’m eating. Keep in mind, that while I wasn’t personally able to keep up with these tips, they have in fact been useful to others so hopefully you can find something that you haven’t previously considered.
Diet Tips that I can’t Follow
No chicken skin – Who can eat chicken without eating the skin? I certainly can’t. In fact, if it were an option I would eat plate fulls of skin without the chicken. Have you ever tried eating a piece of Kentucky Fried Chicken without the skin? It’s disgusting and pointless. Without the skin the chicken underneath is zombie meat. In fact, KFC without the skin is probably one of the few things that DOESN’T taste like chicken.
Pancakes with no syrup – Are you serious? It’s true, experts have actually made the suggestion to eat pancakes with no syrup. I don’t have time for such nonsense and would rather listen to some hippy give me his theories on world peace than have to some poindexter tell me to eat pancakes with no syrup. Maybe I’ll eat one less pancake but it’s going to be covered in delicious diabetes-causing syrup.
Keep a food log – I don’t have time to write down everything I eat and when I eat it. Who the heck has that kind of dedication? True, I would better be able to keep track of my calories if I did, but the last thing I need right now is a written record that proves I’ve eaten beef ribs four times this week.
Stop drinking beer – You’re kidding me right?
Don’t eat after 8pm – I don’t wake up until 4 o’clock in the afternoon. When the heck am I supposed to eat? One of my favourite things is the post-dinner meal. There’s nothing like grabbing a handful of nachos and pigging out in front of the TV while everyone else is asleep.
Coffee with no cream and sugar – Black coffee is an entirely different drink than its sugary creamy counterpart. It is reserved for policemen on stakeout and has no place in normal society.
Low calorie snacks throughout the day – Maybe it’s an issue of semantics, but to me a snack is something yummy that I enjoy eating. It’s a treat that breaks up the monotony of the day. It should be delicious and therefore, there is no such thing as a “low calorie snack”. It is not a vegetable or rice cake that would ultimately serve to make my day worse and make me want to go to sleep so that I wouldn’t have to experience the passage of time between meals.
Leave some food on your plate – Why don’t I leave a punch on your face? Telling me not to clean my plate is going against everything my mother ever told me. Are you telling me my mother was wrong? Get ready for a knuckle-sandwich.
Yogurt instead of Ice cream – those two things aren’t even remotely in the same realm of deliciousness. Replacing ice cream with yogurt is like if I tried to replace your hand with your foot – which is what I’m going to do if you try to take away my ice cream. I didn’t spend hours writing ice cream maker reviews just to eat a bunch of yogurt.
Vegetarian instead of meat spaghetti sauce – Oh I get it, your plan is to reduce my caloric intake by making me vomit. That’s the only logical reason I can think of for using zucchini instead of cow in my spaghetti sauce.
Less cheese on burgers and pizza – Now I know you’re insane.
I love you, Ice cream. Conclusion
Losing weight is never easy and it’s made even more impossible when people give you diet tips that go against what tastes good. If you are able to replace cookies and ice cream with fruit and salad with fries then you are a much stronger person than I am. What’s worse, some of these tips aren’t just meant for brief periods where you want to lose a few pounds – they’re supposed to be incorporated into daily living. I’m sorry, I would rather not experience daily living if it means eating brown rice and green tea cookie supplements. I’ll be on my death bed eating an Angus burger covered with mayonnaise, bacon bits, and hot dog flavor ice cream. I live in Canada where we have health care so I will be able to a have a cholesterol-related heart attack or two for free. Nevertheless, I wish you luck on your journey and continued success with finding diet tips that work for you.
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